


Vindicated

by orphan_account



Series: Prompted/Requested fics. [8]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Prompt Fill, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 10:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2728982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well. I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vindicated

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: How about a fic based on vindicated by dashboard confessional? :) ([x](http://hiddlescones.tumblr.com/post/104524283448/vindicated))

_Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption_

“So, you can join us and be a part of something, or you can do what you can do best, and be alone.”

The words ring through his head as he sailed the Roger further and further away from the doomed town. Hook spent three hundred years alone, aboard a ship with a full crew, but still very much alone. He was never a part of his crew, they were a part of his mission for vengeance.

Hook, nowadays, was a man who viewed being a part of something, of being anything but alone a joke. He'd tried to be a part of something once before, with Liam. Thought they'd succeeded, until he watched the bound body sink beneath the waves. Then the very same thing happened with Milah. When Liam had been tossed into the ocean, he'd taken Killian's faith and trust. With Milah, went his hope for the future. And with Bae being taken away with the lost boys, even through his guilt, his patience for trying to be the good person he was no longer capable of being sailed away too.

He'd long learned his lesson, learned not to bother letting people get into his head about what he _should_ do, and instead focused on nothing but killing the crocodile, and bringing justice to his beloved.

So why, in the name of all the gods, was he currently steering his ship back towards the dock?

Why was he even remotely moved to save this strange town from destruction? Sure, he didn't wish any harm on the residents, but he had forced such things as guilt into the back of mind long ago, and with the towns destruction, would come death to Milah's murderer. The one he'd sworn to do anything and everything to kill? So why? Why was he giving up what may be his only chance to do so?

A head of golden blonde hair and green, beseeching eyes came to the forefront of his mind and he he sighed deeply. As much as he'd like to believe he was just a sucker for a beautiful woman, he knew that wasn't it. It wasn't her appearance that was affecting him, but her words.

Because maybe, just maybe, after three hundred years of doing the wrong thing for the right reasons and being alone, he could at least _try_ doing the right thing for the right reasons, and be “a part of something.” After all, like the savior had said, they were very alike. Both cut themselves off from the world for protection and safety against emotional pain. But _she_ had allowed herself to surrender to the call of her destiny. Of being the good guy. Of working as a team with people she cared about.

And maybe, if she could do it, he could. After 300 years, maybe it was time to try something new.  
  
 _And roped me in_  
 _So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing_  
 _I am captivated_

One, unfortunate truth he'd learned on the sea, was that if you spent a large amount of time with someone in a confined space, you see parts of them they don't show anyone. He'd learned more than he ever wanted to know about his crew on the Roger, and he'd even gotten to know some deeper parts of Emma in the Enchanted Forest. But, truly, it was in Neverland he began to see the real her.

Her burning passion for saving her child was so fierce, it was damn near other-worldly. Her willingness to put aside any and all selfish thoughts in an instant to protect the ones she loved inspired him in a way he hadn't felt in one hell of a long time and her strength in both combat and matters of the heart was nothing short of beautiful. He didn't know what she'd confessed to make the map work, but he saw the strain on Snow's face and the redness around Emma's eyes that betrayed her dried tears, and he knew that, whatever it had been, it hadn't been easy.

But that was Emma Swan. The product of True Love, the human manifestation of it. It really shouldn't be so surprising to find that she loved with every shred of her being, and protected those in possession of her heart with her very life and soul.

What was surprising was that a simple press of lips, a moment of abandon and passion, had him craving the feeling of such devotion from her. To be loved by this woman, this beacon of strength, protection and spirit. To be embraced by someone so completely, as she embraced her family – even while hiding herself from them.

His mind had taken to conjuring up all manner of thoughts about sirens. Ethereal creatures of beauty and seduction, singing their song and leading smitten men to the depths of darkness. But they never lasted. He couldn't believe this woman capable of such evils. She may never return the depth of his suddenly realized but long brewing feelings, but she would never destroy him the way many a man would fear.

Her power, her ability to entrance every part of his mind, heart, body and soul with nary an effort didn't frighten him. Quite the opposite actually, because even through the suspicions of her never seeing him the way he saw her, he was just relieved to feel his heart glow with love once again, after thinking it so long dead.

And when, in the cave with her family and the father of his child, he wasn't afraid to confess his secret. The truth written all over his heart like a tattoo. That he loved this woman, come hell or high water.  
  
 _I am Vindicated_  
 _I am selfish_  
 _I am wrong_  
 _I am right_

He didn't understand. Killian had spent night after night since meeting Emma alone in his bed. Never felt the warmth her body would offer, never tasted the sweetness of her breath mingle with his, never felt the velvet brush of her touch.

She'd never warmed the sheets of his bed before, so they shouldn't seem colder now that he was home.

Yet, somehow, her simple presence in the same town as him warmed his heart. Knowing that she was close enough for him to reach if need be, offering a comfort he'd forgotten to miss for so long. But that wasn't the case anymore. She wasn't close by and wasn't within reach. She was in a different world entirely, no memory of him what so ever. And he felt it keenly. Cursed himself for allowing his heart to feel things that he was now without. Almost like her existence in the same world as him had been enough to sate his need, but now she was gone his heart thumped against his chest as though trying to break through.

He wondered how it was possible to feel, _so painfully_ , the loss of something that was never truly yours.

Maybe that was why he betrayed the mermaid. Why he chose his one true home over her one true love. Maybe he was simply scared, scared that he'd feel the loss of this as strongly as he felt the last one.

Perhaps he just wanted to strike back at the universe, at humanity, at _love._

He tried to be the person he was before Her. Before his heart remembered to beat again. However, where he would once have taken solace with the sound of the waves, he found himself hearing her voice whispered on the wind. Where he would before, only have had to battle his own inner turmoil over his actions, he now worked at ignoring remembered visions of Emma's courage. Of her power and ability to care in stark contrast with his failure in all apects of the same qualities.

He thought it had never been her body that had warmed his bed. Rather her spirit that had warmed him. Maybe it wasn't her absence that made him cold inside, but rather how he'd allowed their distance to distance himself from the influence she'd had on him.

So, when he received the note, the motive to find her again, he did so with all the ferocity of a man not only seeking the one he loved, but a man seeking to find himself all over again.   
  
_And I am flawed_  
 _But I am cleaning up so well_  
 _I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself_

Their third kiss was that only technically, the third time their lips touched in a romantic/sexual manner. But, in so many ways, it was their first. Their journey into the past had been a rough ride, especially for his Swan, but he also felt like they'd become considerably closer. She'd trusted his words enough to open her heart, let her magic come forth and save them both, and he wasn't going to lie, it was a good feeling. Being respected and trusted by the woman he loved. Though he'd seen her trust in him already recently. After all, there is no greater display of it than allowing him to care for her son.

However, as unendingly grateful he was for it, it was also rather frighting. He wondered if perhaps she's began to trust him more than he deserved. If she wanted him now only because she had _over_ estimated his goodness. The worries opened old wounds, initially carved into his soul by many an evil deed. He had never considered himself, nor ever again expected to consider himself, a hero. Not by a stretch, quite the opposite.

“You want to kill a human? I'm the worst human around.”

His own words, spoken in truth, and still true to him.

But. He also trusted Swan's judgement. He didn't think quite so highly of himself yet as to be worthy of her. But every time she put her faith in him, casually believed he possessed a level of loyalty and goodness he didn't feel deserving of, he felt every old, noble and good part of him rise to the challenge. Killian never really wanted anything from Swan, even reciprocation, treasured as it was. But, without needing to be asked, she gave him something incredibly special anyway.

The belief that he could be a better man.

_Too deep now to ever swim against the current_   
_So let me slip away_


End file.
